The terrifying PAT! Run away in fear, Evans!
by She-who-loves-fanfiction
Summary: Saturday. March. 1967. The day of the terrifying PAT for Lily Evans and James Potter. Everyone (everyone being the Marauders, Marlene and Alice) was surprised that Lily Evans wasn't freaking out by now. It's then that they realised that neither of them had a clue what on earth the PAT was, and therefore weren't at all worried. Just a bit confused. One-shot


**Disclaimer: I own nothing that you recognise. :)  
Enjoy xx  
**

 _Saturday. March. 1967. The day of the terrifying PAT for Lily Evans and James Potter._  
 _Everyone (everyone being the Marauders, Marlene and Alice) was surprised that Lily Evans wasn't freaking out by now._  
 _It's then that they realised that neither of them had a clue what on earth the PAT was, and therefore weren't at all worried._  
 _Just a bit confused._

"The what?"  
"The PAT."  
"The PAT?"  
"Yep, that's what I said. The P-A-T. Are you deaf, Evans?"  
Lily Evans rolls her eyes and sits down on her boyfriend's bed. "I heard you the first time Sirius. But what is..."

She looks around the room despairingly and smiles as she looked at Remus. "Remus, what is the PAT ?  
The werewolf sighs, running his hand through his hair. "It stands for the Partner Approval Test, and Alice, Marlene and Sirius created it in sixth year when you and Prongs started flirting. Apparently it is supposed to make sure that you are...umm...Pads?"  
"That you are right for the aforementioned person."  
"Right. Okay then. So what is it, like an exam?"  
"Well, not exactly." Peter chimes in, absent-mindedly fiddling with his tie. "Sirius can be...'inventive' when it comes to making up questions."  
"I can imagine." Lily mutters darkly, and Peter laughs. "So what do you want me to do?"  
"First things first, Evans, give me your wand." Sirius holds his hand out expectantly and she raises her eyebrows.  
"Why? What do you want to do with it?"  
"Ask me no secrets and I'll tell you no lies."  
"Fine." Huffing, Lily hands over her wand and crosses her arms. "So what happens now?"

"Question one." Sirius stands up and grins excitedly. "What would you do if someone did this?"  
He whips out his wand and points at her, starting to speak an incantation. Remus stands up, letting out a cry of protest, but before he can stop Sirius, Lily jumps to her feet, slaps the dark-haired boy hard across the face, grabs his wand, flicks it upwards so he's dangling upside down and smiles.  
"That." Laughing, she plonks herself back down on James' bed and winks at him. "How was that, _Pads?"  
_ "Nice reflexes Evans, I'll give you that. Now let me down before I have to do something that I don't want to do."  
"Like what? Try to hex me again?" Remus and Peter laugh, and she flicks the stolen wand so that Black falls to the floor. "Happy now?"  
"Don't push your luck. Just because Prongs went and fell head-over-heels for you doesn't mean that we all magically love you."  
"Awww, Remus loves me, don't you Remus?"  
"Sure. Just don't let Prongs hear you say that."

"Alright, alright, Evans. Question two. If you find out that James was breaking the law, what would you do?"  
"Kill him." She speaks firmly, and Peter looks suddenly nervous.  
"Really?"  
"Yep. It would depend how severe his crime was. That would help me to decide how painful to make it." She flashes Sirius a quick grin.  
"What if he did it to help a friend?"  
"Again, it would depend. I am not in any hurry to commit homicide, if I being honest."  
"Trying to stay out of Azkaban Evans?"  
"Something like that. I would be more scared of Sirius than Azkaban in that situation, I reckon."  
"As you should be. Now, what is Prongs' favourite colour?"  
"He says he likes red, because it's the colour of Gryffindor, but he told me it's actually green, because it's the colour of my eyes."  
She blushes slightly, ducking her head to try and cover it, and then glares at Sirius, as if it was his fault for making her blush.

"Yeah, well, Quidditch position?"  
"Seeker, I think."  
"Yep. Patronus?"  
"Stag."  
"And yours is...?"  
"A doe."  
"Aren't they like...animal friends?" Peter peers at him curiously.  
Remus rolls his eyes and sighs. "Yes, they are from the same species, Peter."  
"So that's good, right?"  
"Yes, it means that they're compatible."

"Moving on!" Sirius said loudly. "Next question! Who is your favourite Marauder?"  
"Uhhh...James?"  
Sirius gasps. "How...what...what in the name of Merlin was that for Evans? I mean...James? Really?"  
"He is my boyfriend..."  
"Boyfriend, schmboyfriend! I mean, I am obviously your favourite Marauder. I am charming and brilliant and hot-"  
"And humble." Remus mutters, and Peter lets out a small, strangled laugh.  
"Yes, Sirius. _Of course_ you're my favourite Marauder. You've tried to hex me, interrogated me, then questioned my answers. I mean, even James doesn't do that!" Lily spits, sarcasm evident in her voice, and Remus sniggers.

Meanwhile, up in the girls' dorm, James is about to be murdered.  
By Lily's ridiculously overprotective friends.

"What in the name of Merlin's left sock is the PAT?"  
"The PAT, Potter, is the Partner Approval Test. Alice, Black and I created it in sixth year, when it became obvious that you were made for each other. We will ask you a series of questions, and then compare with Black's results and determine whether you are actually, in fact, good enough for each other's friends. But before we start, I would just like to warn you. If you in any way, shape or form, hurt Lily Evans, Alice and I will make sure that you regret being born. Understood?" Marlene spits, going all of one hundred miles an hour.  
"Uh-huh."  
"Good. Question one: What is your favourite thing about Lily Evans?"  
"Well...she's great."  
"How explanatory." Marlene smirks.  
"No, wait, she's great because _..._ because she always wants to make you feel better, even if she's feeling crap herself. She's kind and funny and loyal. Lily Evans is great, great because she puts others before herself, and she doesn't even hesitate to do so."  
"Humph. He had to start again."  
"Awww, but he was so sweet, Mar. Full marks, come on."  
"Fine."

"Yay!" Alice chirps, and then rubs her hands together, evidently thinking hard. "Question Two. What is Lily's favourite colour?"  
"Green."  
"Patronus?"  
"A doe."  
"And yours is?"  
"A stag."  
"Right. That's good. Her favourite drink?"  
"Hot chocolate."  
"Birthday?"  
"30th of January."  
"Favourite subject?"  
"Charms, but she's best at Potions."  
"Favourite Marauder?"  
"Uh...me?"  
"Okay. Best friend?"  
"Ummm...me? And you guys?"  
"Not certain, hmm?" Marlene cuts him off, looking smug.

"Okay, Potter, let's get one thing straight. What are your intentions with Lily Evans?" Both girls lean in, and James shrinks back.  
"I love her and I want to marry her." James blurts out, and then looks surprised at himself.  
"Woah...talk about decisive, Potter."  
"No, it's just...no, I meant what I said. I love her, she's amazing and brilliant and caring and perfect and I want to marry her. Not now, but sometime in the future, hopefully."  
The girls both sit back, looking stunned, and Marlene has a rare smile on her face.

"Fine then James." Marlene's voice is suddenly warm and friendly.  
"Last question. If someone tried to, or did hurt Lily Evans, what would you do?"  
"Hunt them down, and kill them."  
"Right."  
"Only if Lily let me though." He says hurriedly, and Alice laughs.  
"Good. That's it then James, I think your PAT is over."  
"Yeah...great, thanks."

James backs up and runs out of the door, almost falling down the stairs, and collapses on the sofa in the common room, running his hand through his hair, sighing and fighting the urge to laugh. Just then, Lily comes thundering down the stairs, wand raised, hair all over the place, laughing hysterically.  
"James! Hide me!" With that, she dives onto the sofa and snuggles up to her boyfriend, yanking his robe over her.  
"Wait...what?"  
"Sshhh!"

Sirius comes running down the stairs, with Remus and Peter hot on his heels. "Where is she?!"  
"Who are you talking about? Lily?"  
"Your _girlfriend_ just turned all of our clothes into these!" Sirius waves a hot pink set of lingerie, and Remus holds up a similar set in red.  
James collapses into loud laughter, wiping the tears off his face with his sleeve. "I've taught her well..."  
"All I asked was for her to do a prank! Why on ME!?" Sirius howls, and James laughs harder, as his hidden girlfriend giggles uncontrollably.  
"Why did you want to do a prank?"  
"We were giving her the PAT, and she slapped me when I tried to hex her, and changed our clothes into THESE!"  
"Why were you trying to hex her?"  
"It's part of the test! Mar said she was going to do it on you. Did she not hex you?"  
"Uhhh...no? Just asked me a bunch of personal questions."  
"Merlin's pants...She ripped up my questions, didn't she?"  
"Honestly, Pads, I can't blame her." Remus mutters, and Sirius turns on him, looking annoyed.

"Lily went that a-way!" James cries, pointing at the door, as he's pretty sure that his girlfriend is about to burst from trying to suppress her laughter. Sirius, Remus and Peter run out of the door and James pulls his robes off Lily, and moves her up gently into seating position, grinning. "I can't believe you did that...Merlin..."  
"Well he did ask me to do a prank..." She smiles wickedly, and then raises her eyebrows.  
"Did Alice and Mar interrogate you too?"  
"Your friends are scary, Lils. McKinnon looked like she was about to disembowel me when I thought for a second about your favourite Marauder."  
"Well...it must be difficult. I mean, to choose between Remus and Peter..."  
"Lils!" James adopts a hurt look, and she smirks.  
"At least neither of us attained any injuries."  
"Yeah, well, the way McKinnon was glaring at me, I think I got pretty close to some serious injuries."  
She looks up at him, smiling, and he drops a kiss on her forehead. "Our friends are nutters."  
"Yours more than mine, James. At least mine didn't try to hex you."

Suddenly the portrait hole bangs open and the other Marauders burst in, grinning triumphantly as they spot Lily on the sofa, who pales.  
"Oh crap." Snatching up her wand, she grabs James' hand and runs past the surprised boys, dragging her boyfriend behind her. Sirius nods at Remus and Peter, and they all rush out of the portrait hole in pursuit, smiling as they hear James' confused yells.  
"Lily, what, hang on...slow down!"

It's then that the sprinting couple run straight into Alice and Marlene.  
"Oh there you are, Lily. We just wanted to let you know that you both passed the PAT."  
"Oh whoopee..." Lily mutters, James laughs and they run off together, their laughter echoing in the corridor.  
"They certainly seem perfect for each other." Alice says and Marlene nods sharply.  
Ten minutes later, Alice, Marlene and Remus are settled down in the courtyard, watching James Stun Peter, and Lily wipe the floor with Sirius. They high-five, look once more at Peter lying on the floor, and at Sirius, who's trussed up like a turkey in the various different-coloured lingerie Lily so adeptly produced, and kiss in the middle of the courtyard, hands in each other's hair, exhilarated from the events of that Saturday.

"Perfect for each other." Remus mutters, and no one questions him.  
Because everyone knows that he's right.

 **Hope you liked it,  
She-who-loves-fanfiction xx**


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